Be Like Water: Unlocking The Untapped Potential Of Hoarders

When I started to put my thoughts together for this blog, I had just attended a friend's weekly yoga classes for several of us in her circle where she shared a full "Be like water" passage but what resonated with me the most with regard to those who struggle with hoarding was "Witness how your softness can be a source of strength."

In the world of professional organizing, we tend to come in with all guns blazing and ready to just attack from as many sides as possible.

But at the same time we must respect the client's pace and, yes, "be like water" by recognizing that if we want a successful outcome we do have to yield to the softness of water gently flowing down a stream rather than the forcefulness of an ocean during a storm.

We always need to remember that they are perfectly content with having too much stuff and don't understand why they are being judged...never by me or me team but definitely by society at large.

When most people hear the word "hoarder," they picture a mess.

Piles, clutter, maybe a reality TV crew.

What they don't picture is someone with a sharp eye for value, a huge heart, and a memory like a steel trap and many with hoarding disorder do, in fact, have those attributes.

Here's the thing nobody talks about enough...the traits that fuel hoarding aren't character flaws. They're often genuine strengths that have just gotten, well, tangled up in their "internal stuff" that ultimately becomes "external stuff". So if we can help people untangle themselves, those same strengths can become the engine for recovery instead of the thing standing in its way.

So what are the unique perspectives and the untapped potential of hoarders?

They see potential everywhere. 

That chipped mug?

Someone else's trash.

To a hoarder, it might be a perfectly good vessel with years of use left in it.

This isn't random.

It's a real eye for craftsmanship and possibility.

The trick is pointing that same eye toward things that matter more like their health, their relationships and their actual living space.

They feel things deeply. 

People who hoard often form intense emotional bonds with objects for sure, but also with people, animals, causes they care about.

That's the foundation of loyalty and devotion.

It just needs to be pointed at the right things.

They're resourceful as hell. 

Seeing seventeen possible uses for a single yogurt container takes actual creativity.

That kind of resourcefulness is a genuine problem-solving superpower but it just needs a better outlet than "keep everything just in case."

They notice things other people miss. 

Ask someone with hoarding tendencies where a specific item is buried in a mountain of stuff, and they'll usually know.

That's not nothing.

That's real attention to detail and a strong memory, and it's incredibly useful once it's channeled into building systems instead of just cataloguing chaos.

Let's face it, most conversations about hoarding start with what's wrong so it's time for our society to flip the script surrounding hoarders from one of shame to strength.

Instead of leading with "you need to get rid of this stuff," try leading with what's actually admirable.

"You have such a good eye for finding potential in things other people overlook." 

That one sentence does more than a lecture ever could, because it comes from a place of respect instead of judgment and respect is what actually opens the door to change.

When I am working with someone who has a hoarding disorder my goal is always to connect their own values to the idea of letting go, instead of framing it as a loss:

• Are they a generous person? I encourage them to donate items as an act of generosity, not deprivation.

• Do they love their family? I remind them that a safer, more open home becomes a gift to that family.

• Do they care about the planet? I try to make them more aware about how passing along unused items becomes environmentalism in action.

And here's a reframe that hits different for a lot of people...hoarding often comes from a protective instinct, meaning it's all about protecting memories, protecting what could be useful "someday" and protecting things they feel others have carelessly discarded. Instead of fighting that instinct, redirect it.

Letting go is protection as in protection of their health, their relationships, their future.

So what does this actually look like in practice?

Curate, don't discard. 

"Throw it away" sounds like loss.

"Choose your favorites" sounds like power.

Someone with a great eye for value is a natural curator so I am going to help them pick the pieces that truly matter instead of framing everything as garbage.

Use their own organizing brain. 

The same memory and detail-orientation that helped them track down that specific box in a cluttered closet can build sorting systems.

I always start small with categories that feel safe, and build from there.

Let their generosity do the heavy lifting. 

Saying things like "This coat could keep someone warm this winter" lands very differently than "You have too many coats."

People who hoard often really want to help so give that instinct somewhere real to go.

Celebrate the small stuff. 

One cleared counter or one donated bag is fine to begin...it's about the baby steps I take with them along their decluttering journey.

A hoarder's sharp memory means they'll actually register that progress so it's very important that someone is there to celebrate it with them.

The journey I take my clients on isn't about stripping them of who they are.

It's not "stop caring so much" or "stop noticing things" or "stop being generous."

It's about helping someone take traits that got knotted up in an unhealthy pattern and pointing them somewhere healthier.

Nobody needs to become a different person to heal.

They just need the chance to become more fully themselves minus the clutter standing in the way.

As I am writing this blog, I am "negotiating" with a client about how we will handle her particular hoarding situation and while I always lead with compassion, I do have to be somewhat ruthless or, as I always say, what is the point of hiring me and my team? In this particular case, money had been the biggest obstacle to be able to begin. I was actually contacted by her over 2 years ago, did an in person walk through, put together a proposal and then...

When she reached out again via Thumbtack a few weeks ago (she had forgotten she had previously contacted me) I reminded her of our previous interaction and told her I would come again for an in person walk through if she truly believed she was ready to commit the time, money and energy. She said yes and even confirmed she had already secured the money it will take.

It's a HUGE financial pill to swallow no doubt but at this point she really doesn't have a choice unless she wants to continue to live in a very unsafe and unhealthy environment or walk away from it all and sell the house to an investor for pennies on the dollar. The emotional climb we will have to take up the proverbial mountain is the true obstacle at this point and only she can decide if she is ready for it. I offered to speak with her therapist so we are all on the same page and I'm waiting to see what she ultimately decides. Whatever money I stand to make aside, I really just want to help her get to the top of that mountain and finally have a feeling of clarity and calm.

If hoarding is something you or someone you love is navigating, patience goes a long way. This isn't a character problem to fix. It's a set of genuine strengths waiting to be redirected.

For more information about hoarding disorder and available resources, I highly recommend checking out Institute For Challenging Disorganization. I attended their annual conference last year and while I did not renew my membership this year due to time constraints and my inability to take full advantage of their resources and education, I still think they offer tremendous guidance surrounding this matter.

And, of course, if you want to reach out to us no matter where you are in the world for any support please reach out via phone or text at 720.637.2492 or fill out our contact form by clicking HERE.