May - A Month That Asks Us To Pay Attention
- May 7
- 7 min read
May has, in my opinion, become one of the busiest months of the year with Mother's day, Memorial Day, graduations right and left and all of the other end of the school year stuff. And let's not forget May The Fourth Be With You and Cinco de Mayo because who doesn't love a day spent obsessing over Star Wars followed by another day drinking tequila right?
Why we should pay more attention in May
Just like during the December holiday season, far too many people will feel incredibly lonely right now, especially older mothers separated from their children/family by distance or, sadly, estrangement, not to mention the mothers who may be mourning the death of a child.
I, myself, have struggled with not being with at least one of my kids over Mother's Day weekend in the years since they graduated from high school. But I made the decision I did almost 10 years ago to move to Colorado knowing my kids weren't going to spend any more years living in Florida where they grew up. With one now on the East Coast and the other on the West Coast and I am sort of in the middle, distance between us coupled with travel becoming increasingly more expensive and unpredictable has made us think twice about how often we can really see each other.
The last time all 3 of us were together on Mother's Day?...2016 in New York where the photo below was taken.
My daughter had graduated from college in December the year before and somehow I convinced my son to travel with me from FL literally right after his second semester at FSU ended and he wanted to fall into a coma for a few weeks. Instead, I dragged his and his sister's butt out of bed each day way before either of them wanted to see daylight because that is just how I roll.
I suppose it could explain why they don't necessarily fight over who gets me for Mother's Day.
Hey, #iamwhoiam !!!
Happily, I will be with my son in California this weekend and even though I could only manage to be away for 48 hours, I will take what I can get. And, yes, it's nice to know that my son and his girlfriend are well aware I am not one to sit around doing nothing so I'm sure it will be a very high energy, jam-packed 2 days of activities, food and hopefully some music in the mix. Oh and there will also be chocolate chip cookies because I rarely if ever travel to see my kids without them especially around Mother's Day.
I've shared the story of my mother's chocolate chip cookies and how it eventually led to starting a baked goods company many times and it is why I honor her memory every year on May 10th, the anniversary of her death from Multiple Myeloma in 2005, with a Have A Cookie And Smile Day celebration. If you want to read a very long version of the story, click HERE. I promise I won't be insulted if you don't want to read it but just know that it's a big deal for me and my family and all you have to do is have a cookie and smile in memory of someone you lost far too soon.
But I digress...sort of...because for many other "older mothers", they will not have a reason to smile.
They may not even receive a Mother's Day card, let alone a phone call or visit.
And that is something our country really needs to pay more attention to as our population continues to age disproportionately and social services continue to be cut.
I don't know if those who proclaimed May Older Americans Month as well as Mental Health Awareness Month were thinking about how isolated older parents have become which does often lead to mental health issues but the themes for both campaigns obviously focus on better health and well-being...
Side note: May is also National Moving Month, something that is also an issue for seniors but that's a whole other conversation that has spilled into previous blogs and is the focus of a lot of my attention these days as I continue to advocate for seniors needing help with not just the physical and emotional cost of moving but also the financial cost.
However, for so many older Americans the emotional suffering in later life is real, common, and too often overlooked. Older adults are among the most underserved populations when it comes to mental health care, even though roughly one in four experiences a diagnosable condition, and nearly half report feeling lonely on a regular basis.
While I will be enjoying a yoga class and brunch with my son this Sunday before returning to Colorado, isolated mothers all over the country will be seeing commercials showing crowded tables with family and bouquets of flowers being delivered plus social media filled with tributes.
Mother's Day just exacerbates the loneliness into something sharp and undeniable.
So what does any of this have to do with being a professional organizer?
Well, as I share ad nauseum with anyone willing to listen and believe in the science behind the clutter in an older person's home, it is rarely just about disorganization.
It is almost always their stories.
And those stories are filled with emotional pain.
So when that emotional pain goes unaddressed...
...when loneliness is persistent
...when grief has nowhere to go
...our physical environments begin to reflect that inner weight.
A mother (or father for that matter) who rarely has visitors feels less urgency to keep spaces clear. Depression makes even small tasks feel impossible.
And someone grieving an absent or lost relationship may find it nearly impossible to let go of objects, because objects are what remain from the past.
It should come as no surprise that mothers have had the role of family historian since the beginning of time. And while there are, of course, exceptions to that rule, I do see a disproportionate share of mothers (vs. fathers) struggling with letting go of baby clothes and toys despite how long they have been inside dust-covered boxes. It may change with future generations as they continue to rebel against the notion of accumulating stuff, but for now, mothers are still carrying a burden that fathers generally don't feel any sense of obligation to participate in the "unburdening" process. The number of homes I go into where the husband will point the finger at the wife and blame only her for the lifetime of family memories consuming a lot of space is simply unfair. Trust me, men have plenty of stuff they can't let go of but tools and gadgets don't carry an emotional burden so they don't get a pass in my role as the person hired to help with downsizing the home both people live in.
Physical and cognitive changes compound this because executive function declines with age and worsens with depression, making it harder to plan, sort, and follow through. But when someone is isolated, there is no one to help them see what has accumulated or to offer a hand. The result is a cycle that is hard to break...
...as loneliness leads to depression
...depression leads to clutter
...and clutter leads to shame
...which only deepens isolation.
I see this pattern on an all too regular basis with our senior clients. And it is one of the reasons I spend so much time networking with senior care professionals as well as doing presentations to groups of seniors including the most recent one I did for a semi-annual event presented by Boulder Daily Camera and Prairie Mountain Media, I've mentioned Aging At Altitude many times over the past few years and feel so strongly that events like it are vital for seniors to gather community resources they will no doubt need as they continue to age.
And while some may argue that expos and trade shows aren't needed anymore with so much information available on the internet, the reality is many people currently over the age of 65 simply don't trust the internet and prefer connecting with people they are going to allow into their home the old-fashioned way...face to face. If you are interested in listening to the presentation I did last month, it lives on YouTube...
And maybe check out the article I was interviewed for that lives in the Aging At Altitude Spring 2026 guide on page 28 by clicking HERE.
By the way, if you are still trying to come up with a gift for your mother this year, I would highly recommend gifting her with a few hours of decluttering and downsizing help. Whether you offer to do it with her or hire a professional organizer, I promise it is a gift that will mean so much more than a bunch of roses.
And if you want to hire Team IJS?
Feel free to click HERE to fill out our contact form and use the discount code MOTHERSDAY2026 to receive 10% off any hours booked (minimum 4 hours purchased by May 15th with a September 30th expiration to use the hours). I promise it will be the gift that keeps on giving as your mother will be surrounded by less chaos and feel much calmer and ultimately be much healthier not having the burden of so much stuff. All
To all the mothers out there, I hope you do feel the love of your family this Sunday but hopefully every day.
That said, if you are experiencing any degree of loneliness, depression or anxiety, please reach out to a specialist that can properly manage your care. There are plenty of platforms online that have vetted resources like Denver based bQuest (which I am a charter member) plus local rec centers with senior programming have presentations and panels throughout the year to provide valuable information about aging in your particular community.
Be well, be safe and, remember, always be kind,
Beth
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